i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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