I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
