I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
