why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
