mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
