Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
