Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
