Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
