I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
