I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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