I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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