Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
