Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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