I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
