i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
