If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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