just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
