I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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