she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
