I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize