I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
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