felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
