What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can Purell be used as lube?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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