True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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