Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize