maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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