i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
