You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
