im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
