Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
