tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
