It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
