He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
