My balls are so social today.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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