people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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