Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
40s are totally the cure
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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