I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
