she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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