She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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