Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
