do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
