Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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