I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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