whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
