Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
