Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize