my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
