Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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