Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
