When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
