i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
