I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
