A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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