is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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