I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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