genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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