y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so that wasnt chicken after all
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
