i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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