He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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