Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
