the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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