You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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