if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
