he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
