Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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