He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dick very happy bro
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
