hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
