Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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